The Pee Tyrant

Have you ever just wanted to tell a story but you have no context. Well this is one of the stories that was originally edited out of the S&U book. However, I am working on final edits right now and man if I am still not trying to find a relevant truth where this story works… We shall see.

Years ago, after walking home from school, Aimee, Joel and myself found the house locked up. Mom wasn’t home and so we had to wait outside. After a couple of minutes Aimee announced that she had to pee. A couple minutes after that she said to me “I’m going to go pee in the bushes.”

I thought that this was grossly inappropriate. Now if Joel had needed to pee, I would have told him to go pee in the bushes. But Aimee was a girl and so, well, it was just different, that’s all.

I told her she wasn’t allowed to go pee in the bushes and that she would just have to hold it till mom got home. I thought I had made myself clear but…

She glared at me and said, “I will pee in the bushes if I want to.”

“I am the boss and you have to listen to me!” I shot back. Looking back, I don’t think that statement ever got the results I was looking for…

Now Aimee was beyond mad, enraged, yeah that’s the word. I think she said the first thing that came to her mind, the only thing she really could have said at that moment, “Then I’ll pee in my pants!!”

It worked. Now I was enraged as well. You see, if it was unladylike to pee in the bushes it was definitely worse to pee in your pants. Plus, like any dictator I didn’t appreciate being questioned. “You are definitely not going to pee in your pants” I yelled.

“I will too” she screamed back.

And then...she did.